making friends

"I want to inspire trust and confidence in others."
This is a quote from a friend who is struggling with the idea that they are not approachable. I had a hard time making friends in high school. I fought with this idea most of my life until the past couple of years. Here's what worked for me....

The first thing I did was find something that many people want and have trouble attaining. I chose to focus on understanding women. VERY few people attempt it and fewer still find even the remotest of success. With my topic in hand, I found a place to start sharing my ideas with whoever would read - myspace. Then! I read. I read everything I could find.

I wrote a few blogs and invited people to read and share their opinions. I gave my opinion openly and asked what people thought. I did this over the net, the phone, and chai. I really tried to see things from as non-subjective opinion as I could. In doing so, I tried to take people's opinions and meld and sculpt what I knew of the topic into the most definitive answer that I could. I tried to be as respectful as I could and learn as much as I could while still being objective.

I tried to get my focus off of myself and onto other's, their opinions, and the topic. "If there is one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as your own." -- Dale Carnegie

Using this approach, I've gained a lot of respect from women and, in turn, men. Now, respect isn't necessarily friendship, but with respect, trust is gained much easier. With trust, friendships are born.

Das Mittel aufheben

I have to chuckle with Jacob making that comment. I wrote a blog some time ago about how to raise the average IQ. What we would do is institute a system where, at the age of 18, every person on the planet would be required to take an IQ placement exam. In this exam, there would be many different tests. One would only have to prove an IQ of theoretically 101 or any higher. If they could do it, they would go "free" and live their lives as we do. If they could not, they would have to be "cut" or "tied" and would not be able to procreate. The idea was that the intelligent would continue and the world would become more efficient/advanced/etc. Now, obviously, A I'm not that arrogant and B we would never be able to enact something so desciminating. It was a big joke. If you understood that, then you understand my sense of humor! :-D

Anyway, back on topic. Rori put a rather long comment on my last blog containing any real thought and I'd like to reply to that.
"How do you know if someone is "average" without taking the time to find out? I think some of the most powerful and talented people are probably trying not to stand out. In my experience, everyone has something unique and amazing to offer if I'll just take the time to discover what it is. I don't want to be average either, but I don't want a bunch of people trying to be like me. I wish more people would be who they've been created to be and accept and appreciate each other."

"How do you know if someone is "average" without taking the time to find out?"
Of all of the things I do socially, I think that giving people a chance is at the top of the list of things on which I focus. I try pretty hard to understand people most of the time. I try to see how they are feeling, where they are coming from, if they are scared, if they are happy, if they are sad, and the questions they may have. When I meet someone new, I really focus on this as well as the first few minutes of each time I see them. Now, I'm not nearly as good at this as I'd like to be, but I'm always trying to get better. So, that said, I'm gonna be a little cocky and say that generally speaking, I give people that chance to show that they are not total d-bags and that they ARE worth people's time.

"I think some of the most powerful and talented people are probably trying not to stand out."
I'm not sure why someone who is talented would not want to stand out, but okay, let us say that some of them try not to break the mold. I would think that, given a person is fostering their talent, they will have a lot of trouble in their attempt. I also think that regardless of how hard they try to keep their fostered talent in line, it will still show through eventually.

"In my experience, everyone has something unique and amazing to offer if I'll just take the time to discover what it is."
I TOTALLY agree that everyone has some sort of talent or gifted area. However, I've noticed that all too many of them don't try to foster that gift. All too many of them have walls put up to keep them from being open and sharing. (think politics and/or presumptions that build into grudges)

"I think that if you are secure and grounded in who you are, you're more likely to be the influencing person rather than the one influenced"
I think that even in the most secure and confident people, real friendships will still influence both parties. Everyone has their moments, but I like to think that I am fairly confident. I try not to be arrogant, but I am definitely confident.

"If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary."
I also would not want everyone trying to be me. But I know that will not happen. There's this thing that I learned about in economics called tastes and preferences. Rori, you are SO amazing with words and I can only be jealous of it. But I am not. I keep working on my presence in person and in writing. However, I have no desire at all to write poetry. I love reading it, but I'd feel so limited if I had to make this whole blog rhyme! :-) I wouldn't be able to write all that you've just read. Alright, tag - YOU'RE IT!

You are anti-social!

I was told recently that I am anti-social. Then I was told to prove otherwise. Well, the truth is... I am! And I'd rather not prove otherwise. Why?

Generally, people are just average. I don't want to be average. I want power. When I run across someone who is way above average in some area that I value, I hang out with them. After a while, they will influence me and I become more like them. If you hang out with scholars, you will become one. If you hang out with dancers, you will become more like a dancer. *shrug* I don't want to be average. When in a social setting, I'll be nice and polite to those I consider less than above average. But to those I see in my little pea-brain as people to aspire to, I'll do my best to imitate.

Breaks

Yesterday was a blur for me. My work schedule sends me to bed at about 930am on Wednesdays. I got up at about 2pm and had lunch. At 530, I went to the yoga class at my gym. I don't know why people laugh at guys in that class. I honestly don't. That stuff was HARD! The initial stretching was really good and I realized how inflexible I really am. I figured that my history of climbing would help. Heh! Anyway, after a solid workout of yoga movements, the instructor basically put me to sleep with this weird focus on breathing. My mind just shut down. I was never actually asleep, but I remember laying on the mat and some girl coughed. The sound hurt. It actually caused me pain. It was like taking a knife to each one of my ears and shoving at the same time. A minute or two after, we all sort of woke up and left. That was definitely one of the oddest experiences I've ever had. It also relaxed me more than I realized until later.

I've been on a break from poker for the past couple of weeks. I wasn't playing badly, but I didn't have the touch that I have when I run a table over. I was snapped off in marginal situations where I was ahead and nothing seemed to be working. Anyway, a couple friends of mine had their break-in game for their new table last night. It was really fun. I was never uncomfortable or out of my zone all night. That seemed amazing to me as most of the major players in the FoCo area where there. Oh yeah, Jason showed up and tried to run the table over in the first few hands. AHAHAHAHA! Ramming 92o up his ass was grand! I really feel like the break helped me with my focus and patience. It seems like every time I come back from a break the game just flows easier and I make fewer mistakes. Anyway, sick night.

Women are crazy

I have to laugh every time someone tells me this. The truth is, well, they ARE. ALL of them are crazy on some level. Yes, ALL of them.

I find that the more I deal with them, the more that I realize that even they don't understand themselves. This is at least up to age 22. They can be irrational, emotionally ADD, and downright hard to deal with at times.

One of the things that I hear from any given female is "I'm just crazay!" Well, yeah, but that's who they are. They are goofy, dorky, funny people. And they have a ball doing it. I think this is what makes them beautiful. And I could be wrong, but I think most guys would agree. Girls love to laugh. They will laugh at the slightest notion of silliness. This what I like to call, plain and simply, "dorkiness." And they will be dorks themselves if someone else isn't doing it for them. I can't remember a girlfriend that I didn't call a dork at some point or another and this is why.

When a girl is unsure of someone, she won't be as apt to be a dork around that person. She won't let her "true colors" shine. She is afraid of being made fun of for her dorkiness. This is only one reason that I try to make everyone comfortable around me. If I'm experiencing people, I want the real deal (guys and girls). Life just seems better.

I think I'll stick to it this time...

I've sworn off women again. I'd like to tell you why though. It seems that all women are crazy (see my other post), but they are all seemingly wanting to ruin my day. So I'm done with it. If some girl thinks I am a "challenge," well, she's in for a big surprise. I think that I'll crawl into an academic hole until next summer. Maybe I'll raise my standards too. Or maybe I should define them a little more in my own mind.

Home

This past Sunday, I had the opportunity to take what will possibly be the most beautiful hike of my life. Now, I am a man. My spirit belongs in the wild. Where nothing else can survive, I flourish.

Its a long way in from the road. The trail is demanding and narrow. Most people don't make it and fewer still come back.

After miles of trail, it disappears. Only rocks and boulders are left. I continue upward. Darkness surrounds me. My legs ache. My mind is exhausted from my regular life. I need rest. I need to be home.

As I reach the top of the scree, I am greeted by a warm sunrise. It climbs over the horizon with slow and deliberate movement. I wait. A moment for the valley to be illuminated, I wait. The cool fluid flows over my head, each droplet finding a hair to cling too. I strip off my sweat-soaked shirt and wring it out. The warm sun hugs me like a masseuse. I am almost there.

After the rope is clipped and my things are repacked, I swing around the rock and sit into my harness. As I become still, I look up at that awe-inspiring rock and stop for a second. Right at that moment, the valley lights up with grays and greens and blues, along with a gold tone over everything.

I dance over the painted rock as I descend the thousand foot face. Years of fluid stains the granite with blacks and dark greens. Soon, I am surrounded by the greenest of grass you've ever seen. I descend a little further to boulders that rest next to the lake.

The lake is a very cool deep blue. The rocks penetrate into it's depths. The surface is as smooth as glass. The silver walls are reflected perfectly off of the mirror in front of me. Most of the rocks are sharp and rough. My rock is smooth and flat. The lake is surrounded by the tallest walls, like a fortress. The walls climb into oblivion as though they are trying to touch the sky. After some nourishment, I drift off to the sweet slumber of home.