Saturday, September 20, 2008


I have a new motto!
Warning! Consumption of the Chad may cause you to get religion, get naked, get raised, or get arrested!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Rule of 20

I heard a story a few years back about a newly married couple that was having a "time." The husband had just been given a pretty big promotion. So, the lady went out and bought a bunch of food and prepped a very nice dinner for her guy. She had everything ready when he got home. She was "dressed up" for him too. After walking in the door, he was greeted with a big kiss and was immediately lead to the table. He stopped before sitting down after putting 2 and 2 together (that this whole ordeal was to congratulate him on his new job). He said, "The pleasure is in the work." This flattened the lady and the night was uneventful.

Let's take a quick look at what happened.
Lady: I know my guy works so hard to provide. He's been so stressed and I know how to work out stress! Hmmmm. I bet he'd love a nice home-cooked meal too! Oh man! I have to go get some meat! And we are out of his favorite drink too!

*insert spending 6 hours of errands, cooking, prepping (more than just the food), cleaning, oh! and chocolate! I love CHOCOLATE! here*

Oh WOW! He's in the driveway! I can't wait to see his face! "The pleasure is in the work" Ouch, I spent all of that time.... ouch.

Guy: #$%#$ I hate my co-workers. I just know this new team is going to dump all of the crap on me. I'm good at it but man. I can't do another 70 hour week. I need a good drink and a couch. Maybe I'll get some tonight. I don't want to be social. I don't want to speak. effing retards. I can't believe that guy didn't get fired.... and then was reassigned to my team. The boss is going to love what I have for him tomorrow. My resignation. I'll have to find another job fast. I've got to keep up with those damn payments. That ring was such a drain. Wait, IS such a drain. She loves it though. Man. I need to find a way to buy a new house. We need out of this dump. I know it's "nice." ... This isn't nice. This is NICER than my grandfather's house, but he had to build it by hand in like 1894. *sigh* I can't do this any more.

I just need to sit down and do a whole lot of nothing..... *walks in his house* *hupmth* *wife drills me and jumps on me* Man my head hurts. I wonder if I can make conversation enough to make her smile. I need to sit down, or maybe lay down. Yeah, that sounds good. A NAP! Oh, she's dragging me some.... oh. She's made dinner. @#$#@$ I can't make conversation. I need to be alone. Even five minutes would be nice. She's going to want to know how I "feel" about the day and the food and her panties and blah blah blah.
"The pleasure is in the work"

Now! Nice story huh! The lady was all about doing something nice for her guy and didn't quite get the reaction she was looking for. Now, she'll need to talk even more about her feelings when her guy does not have the energy or desire. She has driven him away. On that same token, the guy didn't realize what was happening. He didn't see that she had made a VERY time-consuming meal, nor did he notice that she was dressed up. He disregarded her feelings in the process. He was so wrapped up in his exhaustion and getting rest that he tossed his wife by the wayside.

I have now heard of a solution!

The RULE of 20!!!! I know this is just one more thing to ask of a woman, but I heard it from a woman. So, hear me out.

20 minutes after your guy wakes up and gets home from work, give that to him.

NEW STORY!!!! Guy gets off of work, rolls in the door and is greeted by his wife. She says one thing and doesn't take long. "Dinner will be ready shortly." She does so while handing him his favorite drink. Then she immediately goes back to prepping. He stumbles into the living room and collapses into a comfy chair.......
20 minutes later, he wakes up and realizes that he's been watching TV. Hmmm. Something smells good. Wow! She's easy on my eyes! Damn, I'm almost out of my drink. Hmmmm.... yeah, I'm gonna just push her upper back down and bend her over that counter.... yeah.

Some guys, it's more like 5 minutes. Personally, I think I'm closer to 30-35 minutes, but man am I excited after decompressing!

Oh, and just to clarify. The couple in the first story were my parents.... who are now divorced now. My dad never got it.