making friends

"I want to inspire trust and confidence in others."
This is a quote from a friend who is struggling with the idea that they are not approachable. I had a hard time making friends in high school. I fought with this idea most of my life until the past couple of years. Here's what worked for me....

The first thing I did was find something that many people want and have trouble attaining. I chose to focus on understanding women. VERY few people attempt it and fewer still find even the remotest of success. With my topic in hand, I found a place to start sharing my ideas with whoever would read - myspace. Then! I read. I read everything I could find.

I wrote a few blogs and invited people to read and share their opinions. I gave my opinion openly and asked what people thought. I did this over the net, the phone, and chai. I really tried to see things from as non-subjective opinion as I could. In doing so, I tried to take people's opinions and meld and sculpt what I knew of the topic into the most definitive answer that I could. I tried to be as respectful as I could and learn as much as I could while still being objective.

I tried to get my focus off of myself and onto other's, their opinions, and the topic. "If there is one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as your own." -- Dale Carnegie

Using this approach, I've gained a lot of respect from women and, in turn, men. Now, respect isn't necessarily friendship, but with respect, trust is gained much easier. With trust, friendships are born.